Let Her Speak
May 17, 2020
I had a telephone conversation with a good friend recently. She is struggling with finding her place in her male-dominated workplace.
Oh man, I could relate to everything she was saying! The frustrations, the anxiety, the placating.
For years, I would yield the seats at the table to the men in the room. Although naturally assertive in pretty much every other area of my life, I found myself deferring to others in the workplace...especially male others. Instead of expressing my opinions freely, I’d keep them to myself rather than avoid sounding dumb or wrong...or worse, being found out. Imposter syndrome, anyone?
When I did speak up, I’d often present my ideas as questions. Or as apologies.
“I am sorry that I don’t have the history that everyone else does, but it seems to me…”
“I don’t know if this will work, but maybe we should try…?”
“I am sorry for interrupting, but can we please go back and finish the discussion because we moved on before reaching consensus?"
And when I did express my opinion, there were many times where it wouldn't land...only to have one of the guys in the room say the exact same thing to high praise moments later.
By keeping quiet, I thought I was being a good team player. I thought I was playing nice and keeping the peace.
What I was really doing was undermining my credibility. Playing small. Giving away my power. Even when I was the most prepared person in the room.
Women need to realize that they deserve a seat at the table. That their opinion matters. That their voice is just as important as other voices...even if it’s not as loud.
And men need to realize that a woman is not unintelligent or uniformed just because she states a position that is contrary or different or unpopular. She isn't a bitch for zealously defending her position. That she wasn't invited to the meeting to grab coffee or take notes.
She's earned a seat at the table, too, and it's time to listen to her.
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