Musing on Mother's Day
May 10, 2020
Two truths on this Mother's Day.
One truth: motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes.
Motherhood is simply the state of being a woman in a relationship with a child. What about mothering? That is a verb, and the act of looking after someone or something with care and affection, kindly and protectively. Can you see that anyone can “mother” someone or something without a biological relationship to that particular someone or something?
(Anyone have a husband who oftentimes feels more like your child? Yeah, me neither. Just asking for a friend.)
There are moms, grandmas, stepmoms, bonus moms, adoptive moms, surrogate moms, women who are showing up as moms for others, team moms, house moms, moms with angel babies, moms-in-waiting whose time to become a mom hasn’t yet happened, moms who have lost children, moms of fur babies and plant babies and work babies. All sorts of mothers. All worthy of celebrating.
Another truth: women are the toughest judgers of other women and their choices.
Don’t believe me? Just sit in a meeting when another woman comes in late, and look at how the other women in the room look at her…and then look at each other. Or go to an event, and listen to women talk about other women when they are clustered around in their own small circles. Or stand on the sidelines of a soccer game, and watch the married moms judge the single mom whose kids are a little unkempt and unruly.
Working moms judge stay-at-home moms. Stay-at-home moms judge working moms. Moms of only children judge moms with four or five or more children. Moms with children tell those women without children that they will never know true love because they haven’t raised a child.
It’s true. Women are constantly judging other women. And they seem to be keeping score, too. My house is cleaner. I’m making healthier dinners for my family. I’m hitting the gym seven days a week. I just threw the most amazing Pinterest birthday party for my toddler. I’m busier at work than you are, but I still have enough hours in the day to go to the gym, and volunteer at school, and bake cupcakes for the church’s bake sale, and plan the fantastic trip for my family, and grocery shop, and wash and curl my hair every day of the week.
Ugh. Enough. Can we agree on one thing? Another woman’s choices about her life and maternal status are HER choices. Maybe she wants kids but can't have them? Maybe she doesn't want kids? Maybe she loves her kids and her career, too? At the end of the day, it’s none of your business. How she chooses to spend her time and her money is up to HER. It has nothing to do with you. And you shouldn't be all Judgy McJudgerson about the decisions she is making for her and her family.
Maybe on this Mother’s Day, we could celebrate all women because we’re all mothering someone or something. Let’s lay off the judging, and choose to honor all of the hardworking and loving women making a difference in the lives of others.
Even if Hallmark doesn’t have the appropriate card. Happy Mother's Day to all!
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