One Secret to a Happy Marriage: Always Look for the Best in Your Spouse
Feb 13, 2021
It's Valentine's Day for all you lovers out there.
I'll admit: I think VD is just another ridiculous Hallmark holiday. And no, it's not because I'm cynical or I don't love love. Listen, I am a sucker for a good rom-com just like the next person. I will never turn down dark chocolates or a beautiful flower arrangement. I believe in soulmates and happy endings and love at first sight.
But I also believe that if you're in a great relationship, you should be celebrating it every day. Not waiting until February 14 to tell your partner or spouse that you love them.
Similarly, if you're in a crap relationship, chocolates and flowers and cards on February 14 will not magically change the fact that the relationship sucks. Any of you who've been in a bad relationship know that I'm right.
Great relationships don't just happen. You have to work at them.
And while I'm not a marriage expert, I can tell you one thing that has helped us weather 17 years of marriage: always look for the BEST in your spouse.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is so easy to focus on their faults or their shortcomings:
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❌ He didn’t take out the garbage.
❌ She didn’t do the laundry.
❌ He didn’t pick the kids up from soccer practice even though he knew I had an important meeting.
❌ She has a “headache” again tonight.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But here’s the thing: whatever you focus on, you will find. If you’re only looking for what your spouse is doing wrong, you will find infinite ways in which they piss you off, let you down or don’t show up for you. Every. Single. Day.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So, you’ll be quicker to anger. More frustrated. Less willing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. More unhappy. Honestly, it's probably hurting you more than them.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instead of keeping track of what they’re doing WRONG, start taking note of what they’re doing RIGHT.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❤ He texted me in the middle of the day to wish me good luck on a presentation.
❤ She picked up the dry cleaning so I’d have a clean shirt to wear to work tomorrow.
❤ He brought home take-out without first asking me “what’s for dinner?”
❤ She initiated sex. On a weeknight.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
They don’t have to be sweeping gestures.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In fact, noticing the small, everyday things will go a long way towards reframing your thoughts about your spouse.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But start noticing the good things.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And when you see them doing good things, thank them. They’ll be more likely to repeat them in the future because they know how much you appreciate it.
After a while, you'll find yourself on a happy merry-go-round of relationship goodness: they do something you like, you tell them, that reinforces the behavior, they do it again, and round and round it goes.
Sign up for The Weekly Best Life List!
My weekly newsletter is delivered right to your In-Box on Sunday mornings.
Full of inspiration, ideas, strategies and recommendations to help you live your BEST LIFE every day!
Bonus: pairs nicely with a cup of coffee or mimosa.
Like you, I hate SPAM. I will never sell your information, for any reason.
