The Day After Mother's Day
May 15, 2021
I was 27 years old when the doctor told me that I wouldn't be able to have children. Honestly, I hadn't thought about having kids before that appointment. I was focused on making my way as a new attorney. But when the doctor told me I wouldn't be able to have children, I'll be damned if I wasn't completely indignant about child birth!
As a woman, you just assume that you'll be able to have kids whenever you want them. You take it for granted, really. It's just something you should be able to do; right? But that's not the case for so many women...including me.
I was also in a new relationship at the time. Mike and I had been dating about 6 months at that point. Things were going well, but I vividly remember having a tough conversation that I wasn't quite ready to have with him. I told him that if his future plans include being a dad, I probably wasn't the girl for him.
We've been married for almost 18 years, so the no-kid thing worked out okay for us.
And I don't really think about it except for Mother's Day. Every year. For me -- and many others -- Mother's Day is...odd. It can be painful. It can be awkward.
🔹It feels like we're back in middle school all over again, and there's a big club that all the cool kids are in, but I can't join.
🔹Although Hallmark sells all sorts of Mother's Day cards, there's no card that describes your status as a childless woman.
🔹There's no brunch in your honor to recognize your contributions to your family.
Most days, it's no big deal. But on Mother's Day, it just feels different.
Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love seeing the pictures of all my friends being celebrated by their families. Most years, I also send Mother's Day messages to my friends to recognize the amazing work they're doing raising their kids.
But I can't help but feel like Mother's Day should be about celebrating the mother-ness in all women, regardless of whether they've birthed or raised a tiny human. The mothering is in a woman's DNA. It doesn't magically appear when you give birth.
Because if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that women are consistently showing up in all sorts of capacities and mothering every.single.day.
For years, I've celebrated the day after Mother's Day. This year was no exception.
I bought myself the expensive flowers, and I toasted all of the moms, grandmas, stepmoms, bonus moms, adopted moms, surrogate moms, moms with angel babies, moms who have lost children, children who have lost their moms, children with strained or estranged relationships with their moms, moms in waiting, moms who show up for others, moms of four-legged fur babies, plant moms...all the moms.
I see you. I'm holding space for you. I am you. And we're all worthy of celebration. 💙
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